No, not my observations about anything. Though I'm glad some of you agreed with my thoughts on fashion. Yes, in the 80s I did rock the leggings look, but it was the 80s and I was in middle school. But anyway, the observations.



It has much too quickly reached that point in my career to be evaluated on my progress. Even though I've been receiving semesterly evaluations from students, I stopped reading them after the second semester because they make me want to cry. They can be 99% good, but that 1% bad or negative (and even if it is wildly untrue) just is depressing. So I don't read them and I remain blissfully unaware. But these, these observations I cannot avoid. These observations are by the senior members of my department. Each one schedules a class to visit, sits in on my lecture, and then writes up a letter to me about my performance. Since I learned earlier this semester that they were planning to observe in the fall and not the spring (as I had hoped), I've felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about it.



Friday was the first of 5 observations. The chair of the department sat in on my intro class as I talked about learning. It was a lecture that I felt comfortable with and that I thought was a good balance of information and fun examples with even a fun video clip in the middle.



In the hour before class, I prepped and tried to remain calm. I was doing ok until I got to the classroom and it was HOT even though it was a chilly day outside. As I set up my stuff, I felt myself getting hotter and hotter and I could feel that I was flushed and sweating. Then my colleague walked in at the last minute, sat down in the back, and it was time to start.



I felt as though I was off my pace right from the start and stuttered over a few more words than I usually do. After a few minutes though, I mostly hit my stride and tried hard to be upbeat and animated. A student asked an interesting question that I couldn't answer, but I think I handled and deflected it well. At the end, my colleague waited to talk to me while answered a few questions from a student who didn't want to ask them during the class period.



My colleague said I did a great job and that my powerpoint slides were very professional looking. He said that he'd have the official letter to me later this week and there are just a few small style things that are on the more negative side of the evaluation, but everything else was good.



But just like student evaluations, there can be 99% wonderful, great things, but those little, small negative ones are hard not to dwell on. And so, without even knowing what those things are, I spent the rest of the day in a funk (well, at least until I met up with Kevin and some friends for a few too many beers).



I have two of the remaining four evaluations scheduled. My hope is that I can get them all out of the way before October is finished. Then I can not have to think about being observed again for a couple of more years.