Dear Skin and/or Immune System,

I understand that we are not getting along right now. I understand that you are quite angry about something. I wish I knew what that something was so that I could make it stop. It might be absolutely nothing; it might be the heat (although you seem at your worst in the air conditioning); it might be the sun; it might be the lotion we've been successfully using for 2 years; it might be the sunscreen; heck, it might be all of the above.

From consulting with Dr. Google, I think we might be dealing with a combination of hives, heat rash, and an allergic rash. Dr. Google doesn't say much about the potential of having all three at once, so I had to make my own uneducated guess. The medicated gel from Dr. Dermo seems to solve one type of itchy bumps, but not the less itchy more copious tiny red bumps. Different regions of skin are having their own freak outs.

Now I'm a good scientist. I've been trained to know that if you change too many variables that you'll never be able to determine cause and effect. For example, if the sun is to blame, then I must do everything that I normally do exactly the same, but totally avoid the sun and see if things clear up. If not, then I pick the next variable. But alas without a laboratory to seal myself in, I can't conduct good science. So I'm taking the multi-pronged approach of changing both body wash and lotion, throwing away sunblock and avoiding the sun and heat, using the medicated gel on the itchiest spots, and taking some benadryl. Some of these solutions were suggested by Dr. Google, some are my own plan.

And Immune System, if you are the cause of this (which the benadryl in particular is directed at you), what's up? Are you just bored? You had several weeks of fighting some weird eye problem. Then you got several weeks of fighting a cold. Now that those are cleared up you need something more to fight? Please stop attacking the skin. Save your resources; I'm sure another cold will be coming along in a few months and just think how fun it will be to get a cold in November and be at super strength because you've been building your armies and you'll be able to defeat that cold in 1 day! So again, I implore you... leave the skin alone!

Sincerely,

Skin Owner